Glaswegian Humor:

• A guy in Glesga hue walked a lassie hame, an they wur at it in ri' back cloase, an ri lassie's Maw came doon ri sterrs, an turnt ri coarner, an ri guys troosers wur at his feet. He thote quick, an says tae ri aul' yin, hey missus, is yur craphoose still wurkin'?? an' she says Naw, he's still in his bed!!
   

• Two wimmen were talkin' an' wan says tae the urra wan, wee Jessie's twins ur Identical, an the other wumman says, "How does she tell thum apart, ?? an' the furst wumman says, "The lassie's rid heided, an' the boay's Baldy".!!!

Scottish Humor:

• How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob? Take up a collection.
   

• The following was seen on a poster in Argyll: DRINK IS YOUR ENEMY.
  Adjacent to this was another poster which said: LOVE YOUR ENEMY.
   

• What do you call a Scots woman with one leg? Eileen.